nat tagged me in her blog. 10 things that start with k. hmmmm...

Kids - many say that i NEED to be a mom, and for a while, i was really not wanting to. more and more lately, though, kids are really growing on me. i love their little faces, hands, feet...all of that. god's amazing creations. and it happens to be the title of a dancey little number by MGMT, which i also enjoy.

Kites - i'm a sucker for windy days, and nothing makes me happier on those windy days then to see kites flying high in the sky. we flew kites a lot when i was a kid and those are some of my favorite memories. they just remind me of happiness.

Kisses - long ones, short ones, on the cheek, mouth, forehead..whatever. they have so much emotion in them. it's a genuine expression of how your feeling. you have no words. all you can do put your mouth to someone elses. it's sweet.

Kid A - a fabulous album by one of the greats, Radiohead, featuring songs such as treefingers, optomistic, and motion picture soundtrack. if you aren't already familiar with it, please educate yourself. you won't be sorry.

Kayaks - i love being on boats in general. kayaks are the only one that start with k, but they're just peaceful anyway. it's just you, your paddle, and what ever big body of water your floating in. i'm in love with nature, by the way.

Kindness - sounds silly, i guess, but when i see genuine kindness being given to people, even those who in our eyes don't deserve it, it pleases me. it's like that commercial where one person sees someone being kind to another person, then the person who sees it pays it forward and so on and so on. it's so true though. seeing kindness makes you want to be kind. fact.

Kangaroos -

enough said.

King of the Hill - one of the most clever shows on television. i don't know if they even make new episodes anymore, but it doesn't matter. i will forever watch and enjoy reruns of this gem. peggy is my favorite. and chuck mangioni.

Keith Green - He used to write music praising jesus. unfortunately he died a long time ago. i'm not sure how long ago...in the 80's i think. but he wrote some of the most powerful music. and he was a mad man on that piano. he could whoop elton john any day.

Kaleidoscopes - yes, the beatles painted a scary picture with "the girl with kaleidoscope eyes", but they remind me of stained glass and stained glass i'm in love with. as well as somewhat tacky patterns and bright colors. it's only natural i would enjoy these toys.

Other honorable "K" mentions:

The Kinks - a band from the 60's-early 70's. super chill. make me want to lay in a feild of flowers and stare at the sky

Kissing the Lipless - one of the catchiest songs i know of right now.

Killswitch Engage - self explanitory

contentment is not apathy

these are the ramblings of a lindsey who couldn't sleep, which is most nights, because visions of her not-to-distant-future were dancing in her head. i don't think i have insomnia. just a night owl in it's purest form i guess? this was written a few days ago..or longer. i wasn't going to post it, but i figured if people are "following" my blog, they MUST want to hear what going on in my head, right?

so i've moved into the she-shack. it's been a little over a week now and i L.O.V.E. it. mostly cause i live with the three most awesome, beautiful, encouraging girls. and cause i don't have to sleep on a futon in my mom's front room anymore. i feel more connected and motivated in life. it's pretty crazy what paying rent does for your self esteem.



the year is already almost half way over. i can't believe i've been back in california for over 5 monthes now. it kinda blew my mind today as i was talking with my friend/co-worker, laura (she was one of the first people i met at my "new" store and she's legit). the older you get the faster time goes and i don't like that. i think it should be the other way around. i'm at an age i enjoy, slowly becoming the woman i want to be, doing the things i want to do, but it's all in fast forward it feels like.



god's really been showing me lately, though, that i just need to take my life one day at a time. it's good to have goals, ambition, motivation, but to make a definant plan for your life is certain doom. this is something that took me forever to understand. i grew up with parents who drilled into my head the "way things need to be" for my life; college, marriage, the 9-5 job...the american dream. there's nothing wrong with that,but throughout high school i felt that didn't really fit me. i tried for it though. many failed attempts at various majors. thousands of dollars down the drain in college tuition(granted i wasn't the smartest with my college choices), but it wasn't that i didn't try. lord knows i tried. i even moved across the country to focus on my education so i wouldn't get distracted. yet everytime something kept it from working out. and everytime i was devistated. completly crumbled, not understanding why i couldn't get my life going already. as all this was happening god was working within me, though. building me back up. helping me to realize my life was already going. so obvious, i know, but sometimes it's the most obvious things that we overlook.

what i think i'm trying to tell myself/express is i need to be the person i want to be now. not plan for 5 years down the road when my life is exactly where i want it to be, or so i hope. it's always the same excuses.."when i have money to spare, then i'll buy that homeless man food/give to a worthy cause" or "i'm too busy these days to read my bible/spend time with god/help out somewhere". it's hard for me not be like that, but what i need to remember is my life isn't going to get any simpler. i'm probably never going to have enough money and if anything i'll have more on my plate as life goes on.

there's so much burning in my gut right now that i'm having a hard time putting it into words. it's mostly how much i desire to be that woman who gives and expects nothing in return, as dangerous as it is. or to be the person others can go to talk to, because they know she will listen with out judgement or condemnation. i've got a long way to go. i'm just taking it in stride. i think i can finally fall asleep now.

-linds

updates..

so yesterday i was at target looking for a birthday card for jess (a late birthday present) and this mom walks by with two kids. now, most kids start whining and crying for candy, crackers, juice..something that might not be the best for them. and most parents will give in, but not this one. as they're walking by i hear the kid go "mom, when we get home can i PLEASE have an apple or an orange?". that warmed my heart. it's good to see there are people out there who are making sure their children don't take thier fruits and veggies for granted. most people know my pet peeve in life is large children. sad, but true.

i move into the girls house in 3 weeks. i pretty much can't wait. i tried to convince heather to move out sooner, but it didn't work. i think she just kinda got upset at me. haha.

i got a second job running the coffee corner at south hills...i think? i want to do it. but it's still not in the bag. but hopefully soon it'll be official and i can start doing this thing! we all know how i love my brewed beverages.

nat sold me her record player. finally! something to listen to my mom's old vynils on. and now i can start record shopping. and i will. time to start my own collection to give to my kids someday. a girl can dream.

in related news...i am officially a stalker. i'll spare you the gory, embarressing details. let's just say it's just about moved past myspace stalking bordering into real life. don't worry. it's only cause i'm bored. once a relationship with this individual becomes somewhat tangible, i'll run away from him screaming. why? it's just the lindsey way.

i'm proud of my friends. i love them all dearly. for some reason i can't express this enough. i just want to encourage people to keep thier eyes focused on what matters. i genuinely love you all.

-linds

the search continues

i need a new job desperatelyyyy! if anyone knows of any jobs in the interior design field anywhere doing anything, holler at me.

the mountains were frigging pretty today. i love snowy hilltops. i should have excersied my photography skills on those bad boys this afternoon. but i was too busy...christmas shopping!

wish i didn't have to open tomorrow, that way i could be wasting time/money doing other things. christmas party tomorrow night then hopefully a family gathering on saturday. i've missed them so.

-linds

it's that time of year again.

yes, everyone..it's a mere 9 days til christmas. 9 days! so much has been going on that i would have completly forgotten about it had it not been for the christmas lights, sales, carols and festivities going on around me.
-i only got back to california 2 weeks ago.
-i've been driving back and forth from costa mesa to corona almost every day for work (and play as well).
-i have half of my closet in my back seat.
-school is right around the corner again.
-i need to find a store to work at that will work me more than 14 hours a week (rediculous).
-i haven't gotten paid since i left florida and i won't get paid again til the end of december, which is probably the worst thing and not because i need the money, but because i won't be able to christmas shop, which has seriously almost stolen my joy.
so obviously, i'm slightly distracted. i just don't want the holidays to fly by and me to be left in the dark. that would be a sad situation.
a few updates:
-i'm moving back to corona in a month or so. exciting? yes!
-i start school in feb. i'm so close to being done! i think...
-i'm looking for a new job. i think it's time. it's either that or move up where i'm at, but i feel like moving up would only hinder me from finishing school and working as a designer. i just want to do this already!
-i'm slightly sick of moving. but....i'm realllllyyy excited to move into the she-shack with the other lovely ladies. april can't come soon enough.
-i went to europe in sept. with heather jagger and sara plumplum. i know i haven't put any pictures up. due to "unfortunate circumstances" my camera was lost, but as soon as i can i will obtain some images and post them for all to see.
now gimme some of that christmas cheer!

until next time
-linds

formulas are for nothing.

another day, another kevin spacy movie. i would seriously marry that man.

me and jess have been posting video blogs. i was going to do one right now, but i feel as though i shouldn't do one with out her. i'm so loyal.

do you ever get told something about yourself that you think is completely untrue, then, after 24 hours of being pissed and resentful, realize that, whether you are or not, you need to be aware of it? i've spent the past few years of my life trying to make myself aware of my bad qualities. i want to be an awesome person. i want to love unconditionally. and despite my best efforts, i end up hurting people. i focus on trying not to be hypocritcal, selfish, or inconsiderate. instead i end up being demeaning, patronizing and rude. no one is perfect. i'm not putting myself down. just more things to be aware of.

then i started wondering where i should draw the line. i can't make everyone happy. and although i'm totally aware of my sarcasm and and the fact i can be "demeaning" at times, i like myself a lot. i don't think i shouldn't joke around with someone because they're sensative. but at the same time, i don't want to upset people. how do we know though? we all joke around with one another. and sometimes, those jokes are taken the wrong way. when we feel patronized, do we suck it up and not say anything? or should we feel comfortable enough around the people we're with to tell them we're upset? are they then going to get upset and feel attacked cause we got upset? where does it end?

it's so hard to conduct myself around people who are forever feeling put down. i understand it probably stems from insecurities, but i find myself very insensative towards it, which i shouldn't be considering i struggle with it too(insecurities, i mean). but walking on consistent eggshells because i'm affraid that the other person is going to be hurt is just a bit much. is it worth it? i have to ask myself this sometimes.

then i start to wonder...is this how people feel about me? i feel like i see myself in a completely different way then others sometimes. like i'm this hypersensative jerk who is way too easily offended and needs to calm down. so in turn i get all hard on myself because i start to feel like some baby. i'm turning heartless. i come across this statement a lot: "don't be upset because you're wrong." if ever i'm discussing something with someone, and they end up being right, so i stop the coversation, why does that automatically mean i'm pissed? do you really think i'm so sensative as to get legitamitely mad at being wrong?

i know i can only change myself, so i need to be more aware of my tone towards people. i don't want to be patronizing. i want people to enjoy my presence. not resent it.

oh times they are achanging.

sooo much to do! i'm getting kinda bummed out..not gona lie. i was just reading rachels blog and she was talking about being a legit nomad. i'm just a phony. i wana go everywhere but i can't! i thought i had all this freedom, but i'm so bogged down by school that i can't really go anywhere. it's ok though, right? i'll be done soon. i don't want to quit it, but i want to be done! i'm doing more than i would have done back home. that's for sure.

i had a field trip to the mall today. we had to ride around in wheelchairs to test retail accessability for handicapped people. i almost fell down the stairs, knocked over a t-rack of clothes, and ran into numerous people. it was my first time being disabled. not too bad..

coffee time.